I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live
I didn’t expect to find myself here again—past breaking point. Endometriosis is causing such intense pain and struggle that it’s leading me to feelings of despair and suicidal thoughts. This is a deeply personal issue rarely discussed openly. Having seen statistics and stories of women who have lost their lives due to this condition, I want to share my experience to let anyone else suffering know they’re not alone. Together, we can keep going.
Endometriosis is Disabling
I was reluctant to use the terms ‘disabled’ and ‘disabling’ when it comes to my current state of health. But as I lay awake in bed at 12.24 am, on Monday 12 February in excruciating pain unable to sleep, unable to find a comfortable position, in a state of panic, anger, and despair, and unable to think about anything other than my entire abdomen, sides, groin and lower back tighten in on itself because the pain relief I had no longer began to work, it cemented to me that my periods are disabling.
Endometriosis: a lonely illness
I thought hard about how to define the journey of diagnosis, the physical pain and mental toll of endometriosis, and the one thing they all had in common — how alone you can feel in it.